Fringe News

🗞️ Opinion: I Tried Fact-Checking the Internet. It Fought Back.

By Gordie Truthsmith — Fact-Checking Supervisor (Retired, Relapsed)

I remember the day clearly: February 30th, 2019.
I checked a fact. Just one.
I thought, “How hard could it be?”

Five years and twelve therapy sessions later, I still get night sweats whenever someone says “source?” in the comments.

A Brave Return to Duty

Management (by which I mean Buckley Tinfoil with three coffees in his system) told me Fringe News needed a “quality control department.”
Apparently, Bev R. Dam was caught citing a meme as evidence and Chip Mapleton footnoted a YouTube short.

So I dusted off my magnifying glass, re-installed dial-up, and started verifying things again.

The State of Modern Journalism

These days, everyone’s a reporter.
If you have Wi-Fi and outrage, congratulations — you’re the media!
When I started, you needed at least a notepad, a trench coat, and mild alcoholism.

Now? You just need an account named TruthWarrior_69 and a link to an opinion blog written by your cousin.

How Facts Work (Allegedly)

Here’s a secret they don’t tell you in journalism school:
Facts are like pigeons. If you feed them long enough, they come back — but they also leave droppings on everything you love.

Case in point: I once tried confirming whether coffee causes anxiety.
After three espressos and 14 peer-reviewed studies, I concluded the answer is yes — but also no, depending on your blood pressure and emotional stability.

My Current Assignment

Fringe News asked me to verify our latest scoop about a “coalition to contain common sense.”
I’ve been reviewing the evidence for weeks and so far, all I can confirm is:

  1. The meeting happened in a basement.
  2. Someone brought a baguette.
  3. I ate the baguette.

I’ll release my full findings pending digestion.

In Conclusion

Fact-checking isn’t dead. It’s just retired, like me — living quietly in the corner until someone says something so wrong it physically hurts to ignore.

Until then, I’ll be here, red pen in hand, ready to cross out half our newsroom’s work and call it “peer review.”

Gordie Truthsmith — Fact-Checking Supervisor (Retired, Relapsed)
Verified once. Never again.

Comments

Leave a comment